


Unreality

by serapheim



Category: Gackt (Musician) - Fandom, GacktxHyde, Gakuhai - Fandom, Hyde (Musician) - Fandom, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Anthropophobia, Claustrophobia, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, Flirting, Ghosts, Hidden Secrets, Late Night Conversations, Late at Night, Love at First Sight, M/M, Nightclub, Secrets, Unexpected feelings, musings, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-26
Updated: 2013-03-26
Packaged: 2017-12-06 15:17:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serapheim/pseuds/serapheim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was slowly losing control over reality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unreality

He was slowly losing control over reality. The flashing lights of a night club were blinding him, giving a surreal aura to the surroundings. The throbbing music was deafening, sometimes to the point of being almost painful. Ever so often he had to overcome the urge to cover his ears and close his eyes. Not that it would really help anyway.   
  
Splayed on the couch of an indefinable colour Hyde briefly glanced at his friend, who was devoting all his attention to his girlfriend and her friend. Both girls were giggling at all the jokes he threw at them, though he had practically to yell at top of his lungs to be heard. The second girl kept stealing glances in his direction though.   
  
The musician sighed. The girl was cute, but he was a married man and wasn’t interested in cheating on his wife. At least not with this girl, who looked so desperately young and naïve with brown dyed hair and awkward orange skirt. Her skinny knees and big blue artificial looking eyes made her look underaged, which created an unpleasant feeling at the pit of his stomach, as if he was doing something illegal just by letting her stare at him like that.   
As if she wanted to devour him.  
  
He felt sorry for the girl. She wasn’t going to get anywhere with him – no matter what his friend had promised her to make her come along. He had made sure to tell him that he didn’t need company, especially of that sort, but was he ever listened to? Of course not. And now he was stuck in a night club with his friend and two girls, neither of whom were of any interest to him.   
  
He did feel bored. He brought a glass of whiskey to his lips, trying to remind himself why he had agreed to come here in the first place.   
  
Oh yes, because he was bored out of his mind to have to deal with his wife fussing over the baby, while he wasn’t allowed even to approach the child. His wife’s strongest argument being that he was a man and knew nothing about the babies. Freaking great.   
  
That was why he had agreed on his friend’s offer to go out for a drink and ended up being here.   
  
And he was still bored.   
  
He put the glass down on the glass table, the ice cubes in his drink clicking inaudibly, and returned to his previous occupation – staring at the crowd of dancing people.   
  
He watched the mess of bodies as everyone moved against each other to the rhythm of the music. He never could understand how those people managed to dance to that kind of beat. Limbs moving, heads jolting, bodies brushing - that kind of dance seemed much more intimate than it should, he thought. He wouldn’t have tolerated the feeling of strangers’ bodies pressed up against him so closely. Even looking at the never-ending mass of the moving bodies made him feel suffocated.   
  
Or maybe he was just getting old.  
  
He ran a hand through his short dark hair. He wore a sleeveless black t-shirt and a matching pair of leather pants with heavy boots. He really wasn’t dressed for the night club. But he was really glad that he hadn’t put on anything white, otherwise he would have been shining right now like a diode. He smirked at the thought. That would have been totally against of his idea of staying invisible.  
  
Hyde rested his hand on the back of the couch. His wrist was wrapped in a leather spiky wrist-band; his fingers clad with few heavy silver rings. He enjoyed dressing up for a concert or a shoot, had no qualms about putting on some makeup, but when he was out like this for his own enjoyment, he preferred to be as inconspicuous as possible.  
  
His friend leaned to him and shouted in his ear a question. “Yeah, great”, Hyde shouted back. “Absolutely fucking great,” he muttered under his breath, sure that his words wouldn’t be heard over the music.   
  
He suppressed another sigh, brought his glass to his lips again and took a sip. The amber liquid burnt down his throat, stealing his breath for a moment. He licked his lips, eyes still watching the anonymous crowd in front of him.   
  
His eyes stopped, when he thought he saw a glimpse of a familiar face. Narrowing his eyes, Hyde scanned the crowd again. A flash of the blinding white light lit up the opposite part of the club. And then he saw him. Sitting alone at the table across the dance floor and wearing what seemed to be casual clothes and a content smirk, an attractive man with brown hair was staring right into his eyes.   
  
Gackt.   
  
Hyde’s heart sped up a bit; he was both surprised and pleased to see another man at the club. They had been introduced to each other by some common friend, met several times after that, but never exceeded the boundaries of  acquaintance. Not sure what to do, since trying to say anything was absolutely useless, Hyde just raised his hand a little and nodded, greeting the other man. The latter just smiled a little and nodded in return.   
  
Staring was impolite, even at such a place, so he averted his eyes and looked on the right where his friend was sitting only to find him very much preoccupied with both of the girls. Flashes of light illuminated groping hands and moving lips.  
  
Raising his eyebrow in surprise, Hyde looked away, feeling mildly disgusted and annoyed. He took another sip of whiskey, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. He was too aware that the occupants of a nearby couch were engaged in the similar activity, as well as some other people in the club.   
  
He realized that he felt oddly disturbed by it. He hadn’t come here seeking a partner for a one-night stand, neither he had come to get high or dance. Hyde wanted to find a distraction from his diapers invaded house, but this place was not distracting. It was noisy and suffocating. And instead of a quiet conversation and a pleasant drink, Hyde was left to his own devices.  
It made him feel oddly out of place. This feeling didn’t improve his mood. He was ready to kill his friend for dragging him here the moment he would finish – whatever that he was doing at the moment.  
  
Hyde looked across the dance floor again, looking for the brown haired man, wondering if he also felt as bored as he was. Surprisingly the table was already empty. He started scanning the crowd, when he suddenly noticed the man moving through the mass of dancing people in his direction.   
  
For a moment Hyde was captivated by the liquid movements of the toned body, which reminded him of a hunting cat. It took him some time to realize that the other was approaching their table with a secretive smirk on his lips.   
  
Hyde got up to greet the man and shake his hand firmly, but was unexpectedly pulled into a quick hug, which he returned after a moment of hesitation. The dark haired man turned in the direction of his friend and introduced him and two girls to Gackt. The hands were shaken, polite greetings exchanged. Finally other musician settled on the coach near Hyde and smiled at him.   
  
“Having fun?”, he asked.   
  
Hyde made a face.   
“With those three?”, he nodded in the direction of his friend and the girls, “Hardly,” he commented dryly.   
  
The delicate eyebrow was raised at his words, but nothing was said, as a waitress arrived asking him if he would like to order something.   
Hyde didn’t hear what was being said over some loud burst of music. He just sat, occasionally bringing his glass of whiskey to his lips, and surveyed the other man.   
  
Gackt was dressed in a cream coloured shirt and dark pants. Nothing too tight, too revealing or too fancy. An absolutely casual outfit, which told the other man that Gackt hadn’t been dressing for clubbing either.   
  
When he raised his hand to brush few strokes of brown hair from his eyes, Hyde noticed that he wore several bracelets and silver rings on his fingers. The collar and first two buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned, exposing a silver chain and a unique pendant similar in shape to the long earrings in his ears.   
Hyde was sure he had seen him wearing this jewelry several times before, so it was probably a habit and not a wish to show off. Although it was Gackt. He was always showing off, even when it seemed that he was not.  
  
The thought made Hyde smirk. At this very moment Gackt turned away from the waitress, who already brought his order, and smiled at him.   
  
Definitely showing off, thought Hyde.   
  
He watched the other man bring a glass of red wine to his lips and take a sip. All movements were calculated and languid, as if he was doing it for public, knowing well that he was being watched. He closed his eyes briefly as if savouring the taste.  
  
Moving in the same unhurried way, Gackt put the glass back on the table and turned to the other man. He put his right arm on the back of the couch, mirroring Hyde’s previous pose, and looked at him.   
  
He said nothing. He seemed to be absolutely comfortable and relaxed, leaning back and watching his companion with a tiny smile on his face.   
  
No, it wasn’t even a smile, but a barely noticeable twist of lips, which made him look mildly amused. And infuriatingly superior.   
  
He looked at him as if expecting him to strike a conversation, but Hyde didn’t know what to say. So, he looked away and reached for a pack of cigarettes on the table near his glass. He took out one cigarette, lit it and tossed the pack back on the table in one swift motion. He took a deep drag of it, enjoying the feeling of the nicotine filling his lungs. Slowly he let the smoke out.   
  
Hyde looked over at Gackt again, only to see him looking back at him in the same expecting way. He was starting to find it disturbing, but some movement on his right attracted his attention. He looked there to see his friend talking to somebody over the cell – or rather he was shouting in it – his hand closing his other ear in attempt to hear the reply, and other two girls were kissing.   
  
It actually made him smirk. Hyde noticed that the brown haired man was watching the scene with the same semi-surprised expression. He arched an eyebrow at him and Hyde man just shrugged. At that moment the girls broke the kiss and the one, who had been looking at him with some longing all evening, gave Gackt a lustful look, licking her lips and tugging at her skirt. But the man just smirked and averted his eyes, letting her know, that he wasn’t interested.   
  
Hyde wanted to laugh at the scene, but he felt sorry for the girl who started biting nails with a frown. He wanted to ask her if she was even old enough to be here, though he was almost sure that she wasn’t, and to tell her to go home to her mommy. Or even better - to drive the poor thing home himself and tell her dad  what places her precious little daughter went to, so that she’d get a good thrashing and hopefully learn something. But he knew he would do neither. He didn’t know her, and he really didn’t care. Besides trying to save someone from making mistakes at the expense of having some trouble himself was not on his agenda tonight.  
  
He finished his cigarette and stubbed the butt in the ash tray.   
  
Gackt was still watching the crowd of dancing people, absent-mindedly twisting the glass of wine in his fingers. He only briefly glanced away, when two girls rose a bit unsteadily and went to the dance floor. They both seemed drunk already.   
  
He turned to look at Hyde, who was talking to his friend. The dark haired man was practically blending with the darkness, and only an occasional blinding flash of light revealed him. It seemed as if Hyde didn’t wanted to be seen. Gackt had a feeling as if he was sitting near a ghost and not a living human, and that only he could see him.   
  
He shuddered at the thought.  
  
Hyde was only half listening to what was being said to him. His friend was drunk and making no sense. He stifled a sigh and nodded as if understanding him. He could feel Gackt’s eyes on him, and that made him oddly uncomfortable.   
  
When he stole a glance at him, he noticed that Gackt’s eyes were blue and wide opened, as if in fear, in the flashing light. Hyde blinked, the moment was lost, and his companion was watching the dance floor as he did before. Hyde shook his head. He was probably hallucinating.   
  
His friend shouted something like a question in his ear, and while Hyde was desperately trying to remember what they were talking about, his friend’s girlfriend reappeared near the booth. She was laughing and grabbing her boyfriend’s hand dragged him to the dance floor.   
  
Hyde was spared the need to answer. He rolled his eyes and reached for his whiskey. Noticing that he almost finished it, the man searched for a waitress, caught her glance and he tapped his glass asking for a refill. In a matter of seconds he got another glass of Jack Daniel’s.   
  
It was a huge advantage to being in a private luxurious night club.   
  
Gackt finished his drink as well and put an empty glass on the table. He looked at the other man and noticed that Hyde was staring in front of him with somewhat dazed look, swirling his whiskey in the hand.   
  
Hyde looked as if he was sulking.   
  
Gackt leaned closer to the dark haired man, so that he didn’t have to shout, and asked: “You don’t like night clubs?” It was more of a statement than a question.   
  
Hyde shivered, when he felt Gackt’s hot breath against his ear. He felt uncomfortable, being so close to the other man, to anybody in fact, but he made himself not to shift away.   
  
He had to turn to Gackt to answer the question, though. Staring in the blue orbs for a second, he wondered if the other man wore the coloured contacts as a part of the image only or because he had a poor sight. He himself tried wearing contacts, but they irritated his eyes.  
  
It reminded him of the girl with the same blue contacts. But he decided that the colour was a bit different, and these suited Gackt more.   
  
“No”, he said finally, leaning to his companion. “I find them boring. I don’t dance and prefer quieter places to have a drink.”   
  
Gackt looked at him attentively, as if trying to read his eyes, then nodded, letting another tiny smile surface on his lips, and leaned back.   
  
Hyde felt a bit relieved that the other man moved away a bit. Although they still were sitting close, even closer than before, and the dark haired man found that Gackt’s hand was still wrapped over the back of the couch.   
  
Hyde flinched a bit, when his back touched the other man’s arm. Feeling embarrassed, but hating to be touched by other people, he leaned forward, reaching for his pack of cigarettes. He needed something to occupy his hands with.   
  
He snapped his lighter open. But when he failed to light his cigarette for two times, he ordered himself to stop fidgeting. He was behaving as if he was nervous.   
  
And Hyde reminded himself that he had absolutely no reason to feel nervous, quite on the contrary. But still he couldn’t fight his childish fears of the anonymous crowds of people. It felt as if all those people were looking at him, judging his every movement and laughing at him.   
  
With some difficulty he averted his eyes from the dance floor to look at Gackt – that was the only way to stop that run of the thoughts.   
  
Hyde observed the perfect features of the another man, drinking on his appearance, wishing the tight feeling in his chest to go away. He tried to make himself concentrate on the smallest details of Gackt’s face and ignore the nagging feeling of claustrophobia. He didn’t notice how his fear of being touched by strangers subsided in the face of much stronger fear of the masses of people.   
  
Just few minutes ago Hyde was edging away from the other man, and now he was unconsciously shifting closer as if seeking the comfort in his presence.   
  
Maybe because of some movement of his or the intensity of his stare, but Gackt turned his head and looked at him questionably. Hyde swallowed slowly, fighting the limp in his throat. Leaning in to him a bit he asked, “Do you like it here?”   
  
What he meant to ask in fact was if Gackt liked night clubs in general, but the brown haired man seemed to understand it. He just simply said, “I like night clubs.”   
  
“Why?”, Hyde frowned.  
  
“Because here nobody cares who you are, it gives me the feeling of anonymity. And it is quiet rare, you know.”   
A smirk surfaced on his lips, “I also like watching other people, instead of being watched myself. It’s nice for a change.”   
  
The blue eyes were scanning the crowd once again.   
“I feel safe here”, he added after a thought. Noticing the way Hyde crossed his hands at his chest almost protectively, Gackt couldn’t help asking, “You feel different?”   
  
The dark haired man nodded a little. “These crowds are making me feel claustrophobic,” he said.  
Hyde grimly observed the people in the club. “It feels as if they are here after me, as if they want to choke me. They look at me the way as if they know my deepest secrets and secretly laugh and mock at me.”   
  
Gackt’s face grew serious as he watched the other man frowning and biting his lips as he was sharing his thoughts. He could almost feel uneasiness radiate from the other’s body. And when Hyde shivered, the other man immediately placed his hand on his shoulder in a smoothing manner and said gently, “Don’t worry. Nothing is going to happen to you here. I won’t let it.”   
  
Hyde’s eyes flew up at these words and he stared at Gackt, trying to understand if the other man was mocking him.   
  
But he saw only concern and silent understanding.   
  
“I bet you find it stupid”, he said.  
  
Gackt shook his head, “No, I don’t. Everybody has their own fears.”  
  
“Yes, indeed”, agreed Hyde.  
  
Gackt turned away from him to take out and light a cigarette, his hand disappearing from the other man’s shoulder. But the warm touch lingered.   
  
Hyde kept his eyes on the man as he brought the cigarette to his lips and took a drag from it. He mused about how little in fact they all knew about each other,  even though they spent years in the same industry. But all the knowledge came from those rumours and half truths printed in tabloids and invented by the journalists and rabid fans. He had very few friends and his relatives who really knew him, but sometimes, being caught in all those contradictions, Hyde doubted that he even knew himself.   
  
He often thought that it was impossible to know another person completely. Every time he thought he knew someone’s every thought, every dream, every wish, he would find out that there was something more, which made seem all his attempts futile.   
  
Sometimes he thought that it was dangerous to know all other person’s secrets. Maybe because of that he never could make himself think about his wife as his other half. Sometimes he thought that they didn’t know each other through and through. And Hyde wasn’t really sure that he even wanted to.   
  
Maybe some time ago he really wanted to feel one single unity with her, but now there was always something amiss. Something very important. But he wasn’t sure what.   
  
Hyde brought the whiskey to his lips and sipped it. He pressed the cool glass to his hot face, trying to sort out his thoughts.   
  
He briefly glanced at Gackt, who had already finished his cigarette and lit a new one. Hyde was feeling mellow, maybe due to the consumed alcohol, watching Gackt flick the ash off his cigarette into an ash-tray, then bring the cancer stick back to his lips.   
  
He watched a little red tip gleam in the darkness as the other man inhaled, and then after few heartbeats the streams of smoke escaping his lips and nostrils as he exhaled. Hyde had never thought that watching somebody smoke could be so fascinating.   
  
Gackt brushed a hand through his hair, and the other man watched a long earring swing slightly in his ear. Mesmerized by the tiny movements Hyde unconsciously moved closer. He wondered what it would be like to touch it. Without thinking what he was doing he leaned to the brown haired man’s ear to have a better look at the earring. It was long and ornate. He mused if the earring felt heavy in his ear, only partly aware that he said that aloud.   
  
“No”, came a barely audible reply.   
  
Hyde touched the earring with his fingers, rubbed it between them, surprised that the metal was warm. Then his attention switched to the face so close to his. He watched the skin change its shade illuminated by the flashing lights above them.   
He had never seen anyone look more surreal and mystic than Gackt at that moment. Hyde wondered what would happen if he touched his face, what it would feel like. Would it be cool to the touch? Like a glass mask? Or will it be warm?  
  
Hyde was only thinking about doing it, when through his alcohol haze he saw his own hand rise and his fingers touch the skin. Even though he was shocked at his own boldness, he couldn’t draw his hand away. He couldn’t dare to me.   
  
He was almost sure that Gackt would turn his head any moment now and ask him what the hell Hyde thought he was doing.   
  
But Gackt didn’t. He just closed his eyes, accepting whatever was given. As he wasn’t stopped, Hyde’s fingers continued touching Gackt’s cheek, then moved down to the jaw line, then up again to the closed eyes. He moved his thumb over the eyelids, feeling the movements of the eye underneath, over the eyelashes, then over the eyebrow line and down back to the earlobe.   
  
Hyde watched his fingers dance over the other’s skin, and for some reason he didn’t seem bothered by the thought that he was touching almost intimately the man he barely knew. He had the feeling as if it was somebody else’s hand and he was just an observant and not the doer. As if nothing depended on him.  
  
Gackt understood that probably Hyde was under the influence of the alcohol and obviously barely knew what he was doing. But he didn’t want it to end. He liked the touch of the other man’s calloused fingers on his skin.   
  
He was afraid to startle him out of this reverie state he was in. That was why he didn’t dare to move, didn’t dare to speak. With closed eyes he savoured the touch, so carelessly granted to him. But suddenly the fingers were gone. Drowsily Gackt opened his eyes and glanced at Hyde. The other man was sitting with his eyes cast down, the whiskey glass pressed contemplatingly to his lips.   
  
The taller man sighed and was about to say something, when Hyde’s friend and two girls returned. They were all laughing loudly, flushed with alcohol and dancing. The guy leaned to Hyde and shouted in his ear that they were leaving and asked if he planed also to leave.   
  
Gackt thought that the other man stole a quick glance in his direction before shaking his head negatively. Soon the three left, leaving Gackt only mildly curious about why Hyde didn’t leave also, as he seemed to be so uncomfortable in the night club. He didn’t dare to guess the reason.  
  
Gackt glanced at Hyde who was still holding his glass, clinging to it like to an anchor. His thumb brushed the moisture that collected on the smooth surface. But Hyde’s fingers remembered the other smoothness – the skin of the man sitting next to him.   
  
Hyde didn’t know him, but he found that he wanted to know this man. He wanted to know him inside and out to try to understand why he was feeling so comfortable and safe near him. The beating music seemed to penetrate his body, making him vibrate with some inner energy, and he was feeling warm and somewhat giddily happy inside. It was all so strange and different from what he had been feeling at the beginning of the evening.   
  
It left Hyde confused; his feeling of the unreality of the whole situation increasing.  
  
Gackt frowned a little. Without the other man’s touch on his skin he felt oddly lonely and abandoned. He didn’t know if he had the right to say anything about his strange feelings. It was not something you could tell to someone you barely knew. But he felt something and he was sure that the other felt the same.  
  
Willing desperately for Hyde to raise his eyes and look at him, his own eyes never left the other’s face. But Hyde didn’t move a bit, lost in his own thought. Gackt moved closer and, with his heart attempting to choke him with the frantic beating, slowly reached out and brushed few strands of his dark hair. It was a very bold move. Probably bordering on suicidal.  
  
Hyde flinched at first, but then relaxed, but he didn’t look up. His eyes were still fixed on the glass in his hands.  
  
“What’s the matter?”, whispered Gackt, leaning even closer to him. The warm breath tickled Hyde’s skin, oddly distracting him from thinking over the question. “Nothing”, he said finally, shrugging a bit. “Just thinking.”  
  
“About what?” Gackt knew that he was doing something rather provoking, scandalous, leaning this close, his lips almost brushing the other man’s ear. But he didn’t care how it looked, he only wished to look into Hyde’s eyes and to know what he was thinking about. His hand continued brushing the strands of Hyde’s dark hair. He couldn’t make himself stop, or maybe he didn’t really want to.  
  
“Do you sometimes have a feeling that there is something amiss, but you don’t know what? You seem to have everything, but something feels wrong”, said Hyde, suddenly looking up and staring directly in the other’s fake blue eyes. “This feeling becomes stronger and stronger, until the moment it overwhelms you and…”, he trailed off.  
  
“And then you suddenly find yourself surrounded by the friends but still feeling lonely”, finished Gackt for him. Hyde nodded a little, his eyes were full of the sadness and longing.   
  
Yes, Gackt thought, brushing his lips over the other man’s, all of them felt lonely sometimes, their need for contentment never satisfied. And even your best friend wouldn’t be able to understand your feelings and comfort you.   
  
Their lips were barely touching now, their breaths mingled.   
  
Sometimes you just want to be held, thought Hyde idly, his eyes closed; a kind word and a warm embrace would be enough to keep going.   
  
Closing his eyes and shutting out the reality, Gackt brought their lips together again. The kiss was slow and long, bearing both the bitterness of smoke and the sweetness of wine.   
  
When they finally broke the kiss, Hyde looked into the blue eyes and saw his own emotions mirrored in them. His fingers were tangled in Gackt’s silk hair, the other hand was still holding his glass in a death grip. Gackt’s fingers were brushing his cheek.   
  
It wasn’t real, thought Hyde, it couldn’t have been. He knew it would end the moment they stepped out of the club, their paths would split, and probably he would never feel this content again. If so, he should end it now, he should…   
  
Hyde lost all his thoughts, the moment when Gackt closed the distance between them and kissed him again. It felt as if the whole world disappeared around them, and there was nothing and nobody except for Gackt: Gackt’s lips over his, Gackt’s hands in his hair, Gackt’s body pressed to his.   
  
He could hear nothing, only their breathing and heavy beating of their hearts. Hyde had never felt that warm before. He wished he would never wake up.  
  
Eventually the lips drew apart, and Gackt moved back a little. Hyde sat upright, immediately bringing the glass to his lips and downing the remains of the whiskey. He put the glass on the table and noticed that his hand was trembling.   
  
When he glanced at him, Gackt was smoking and looking away. The other man swallowed. That was it, he thought bitterly, it was time to face the reality.   
  
Abruptly he got up, swung a little, his legs feeling weak and his vision blurred. Gackt rose to his feet too and gently placed a hand on the other’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t be driving in this state. I can give you a lift,” he said.   
Hyde nodded absent-mindedly.   
  
When they walked out into the street, Hyde was momentarily deafened by the silence outside the club. It was much colder than he remembered it to be in the beginning of the evening, the goose bumps quickly spread over his bare arms.   
  
The air was moist and there were small puddles on the ground. It must have rained while they were inside. The streets were empty, and the sky was still a mostly dark canvas with only few light touches of the rising sun.   
  
It was 3 a.m. on Gackt’s watch, when they sat into the man’s convertible Mercedes.    
  
“Where do you want me to drive you?” he asked Hyde, who was leaning to the window with his eyes closed.   
  
“Anywhere but home”, he whispered. Gackt started the engine.  
  
They drove in silence, both occupied with their own thoughts. Hyde was fighting the buzz in his head. Everything seemed blurred and too quiet and even more surreal than it had been in the club.   
  
Hyde refused to accept it. He tried to stop thinking about what had happened, about the reasons, possible complications, about the aroused emotions, and how good it had felt to be held like that.   
  
Hyde felt confused, embarrassed, scared, sad and something else, but he couldn’t put a finger on the emotion. He closed his eyes again, trying to find the consolation in the lulling sound of the car engine.   
  
He felt a pang of something close to a disappointment when they finally stopped. Hyde sat up in his seat and looked out of the window. They stopped near somebody’s house.   
  
Gackt’s house, Hyde suddenly realized. But the thought didn’t disturb him as it should have. They got out of the car in silence and entered the house.   
  
Gackt didn’t turn on the lights, and the other man had to slip off his boots, without having to untie them. Hyde was worried that if he bent to do it, he would fall down.  
  
He felt quite disoriented in the darkness. He paused uncertainly.   
“Gackt?” he called finally. He could hear a slight movement near him – Gackt appeared to be standing almost right in front of him.   
  
Hyde didn’t like standing alone in the darkness. His hands found Gackt, encircled around his neck, his lips found the other’s lips, and everything felt right again.   
  
The following rustle of the clothes, hungry kisses, burning touches and quiet moans – everything felt too real in the blinding darkness, and Hyde was sure that he would remember all that in the morning. To be able to give and to receive back, he realized, was the greatest treasure in the world. Without thinking twice he gave himself away to the passion.   
  
Some time later, feeling content and satisfied Hyde lied on the silk sheets, his body deliciously entwined with the other man’s, Gackt’s head on his chest and his fingers playing with the brown strands of hair.   
  
He was listening to Gackt’s confessions, learning about his fears. Gackt told him that he was afraid of the water, that he used to see ghosts, that was why he was afraid of the darkness and could never sleep at night, so he went out seeking  comfort in the crowds of people.   
  
Staring blindly in the darkness, Hyde whispered to him that he shouldn’t be afraid to sleep now, because he was with him and he wouldn’t leave until Gackt fell asleep and then woke up in the morning.   
  
Closing his eyes Hyde thought that their trust in each other was as thin as ice, their bond too weak yet, but he was ready to give up everything to preserve it. Because he knew that only Gackt could save him from the coldness of the day, while only he would hold the other man through the night. Their loneliness and their fears were what brought them together, and together they would perhaps be able to fight them.   
  
Hyde smiled; he was almost happy.   
  
Almost.   
  
  
//  
  
  
Written: July 13, 2004  
Revised: March 26, 2013

**Author's Note:**

> It is my first fanfiction ever, and a RPS fanfiction to that. I remember that I was really embarrassed after writing it, but I couldn’t help getting this idea out of my head. I can’t believe I wrote it almost 9 years ago! And it is longer than some of my later stories. 
> 
> I posted it originally at gacktxhyde community on livejournal. I have abandonded that journal years ago, although I sometimes still receive comments. My story is in the community memories, I feel honoured. 
> 
> I did some pretty heavy editing on this before posting here. My writing skills have really improved since I wrote it. But no changes to the plot :)


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